How I Responded to a Mum Who Told Me I Shouldn’t Have Had Children

Having children has been one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life.

I think many parents could resonate with that notion.

But just because it’s been one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life, doesn’t mean it has been a walk in the park. While I love my children, they also know how to wear me down. And some of the things they have got up to under my watch has taken years off my life and possibly added a grey hair or two to my head.

How we imagined what parenting would be like, is often nothing like how we imagined.

For example, I remember taking my then 2 year old child to a fete with farm animals. Thinking how fun it would be for our first time at a fete as a family. In my head I imagined fairy floss, selfies with farm animals and watching my daughter laugh with delight. What really happened was a massive tantrum, which ended in a meltdown where my daughter was inconsolable. The only way to calm her down was to leave the fete, and walk to the local park which we had passed when walking to the fete. In my daughter’s mind, the slide was much better than hanging with farm animals.

Crafting with my girls was another slam of reality in my face. I had visions of having craft supplies neatly organised with myself and my girls creating gorgeous projects. But the reality was glue squeezed onto the bench, glitter shaken on the floor and the craft being abandoned to creating a messy collage of epic proportions rather than the original craft project.

Time and time again, my expectations will be slammed with a different reality.

And it’s been a big learning curve for me to go with the flow and embrace the mess. I like to have control and sometimes, kids just have their own ideas. From experience, running with it has created more memories than fighting against it.

I often get frustrated by the ‘perfect’ reality that is often shared online by other mums and I wanted to address one particular unrealistic expectation about craft.

So I wrote a post sharing what my house really looks like after we craft, admitting exactly what I have shared above.

And I received this comment:

“That attitude irritates me to no end. If you don’t want mess, don’t have children.”

Whoah.

I didn’t expect to receive that.

How was I to respond?

I really wanted to tell this mum they had hurt my feelings. But if a person leaves a comment like that on social media, they give no focaccia’s about my feelings.

So I responded with kindness and thanked the mum for her comment and explained how I’ve learned to embrace the mess and how what I had imagined in my head was not how it played out to be. My kids creating a mess has been a great way for me to learn to embrace the chaos of children.

I don’t know everything when it comes to parenting. By no means am I perfect. But I feel no shame in admitting what parts of parenthood I don’t enjoy and mess is one of them.

I would never tell another parent they shouldn’t have had children because they are struggling with something I haven’t struggled with. I think we can all agree we have different views on everything.

What may be easy for me to do, may be really hard for you.

And that’s ok. We’re all different.

So to that lovely mum who told me I shouldn’t have had children, I’m so glad I did have my children. Their presence has shaken my old thinking and tested my rigid ways, and that can only make be a better person in the end.