When I first quit my job to become a stay at home mum, I decided right then and there to be hardcore. If I didn’t have a “job” anymore then I would make this my new full time “career” and I would rock at it. I would excel. I would be the most organised stay at home mum in the history of all stay at home mums. This was my job now. I was going to love it. This was going to be good for me. I could sense that I was about to turn into Julie Andrews on top of that mountain singing about how alive all those bloody hills were.

For the first couple of weeks, months even, I was a domestic goddess. This was my career now so I was throwing everything I had into it. I did all the cleaning. All of it. When the kids came home from school I’d stand by like a ball boy at a tennis match and run into the room once the ball dropped. I’d pick up, I’d wipe, I’d vacuum, mop, dust, erase any visible sign of life from inside these walls in order to justify the fact that I was no longer contributing financially.

I would meal plan and budget and bake all the things!

Everything was home made and baked with love. There would be a new exciting thing to try at dinner time every night and quirky baked goods for lunchboxes the next day.

The washing was always done, folded, put away. The lawn was mowed, windows clean, porch swept, hair washed, legs shaved.

Toilet training my last child was going well, no accidents in two weeks all was going to plan.

I was good at this job. I liked it. The people around me seemed to appreciate my efforts too. It didn’t seem to matter that I wasn’t actually bringing in a paycheck. I felt important. I felt like I mattered.

Although slowly but surely, like every time you start a new “job”, the place may seem good and the people may seem nice and friendly at first, but soon enough they all start to take you for granted and you resent having to go there every day.

I started to get annoyed at how much effort I would place in keeping the house tidy, just for it to literally turn into a disaster area five minutes after school pick up. I was beginning to realise that unlike when I worked outside the home, and received satisfaction, a sense of accomplishment or validation after a job well done, there was actually never going to be any of that here.

My son started to regress with his toilet training and I was finding wet patches where no wet patches should ever be.

I justified it all in my mind by thinking I should just be grateful for the fact that I didn’t have to go to “work” anymore. My “work” was here now, and I wasn’t bringing any money in so vacuuming 16 times a day was probably the least I could do to contribute to this family.

Reality check time.

Stay at home parent burn out is real and it’s spectacular. Here is a list of five things to remember in order to keep you from burn out stage and enjoy life and everything it has to offer.

Five Ways To Avoid Stay At Home Parent Burnout.

• Don’t place too much importance on things out of your control, like how tidy the house is. Whether you have one child, or five like I do, there is a universal truth that affects us all and that is that kids simply mess shit up. At dinner time they eat like tiny drunken sloths who end up getting more food on the floor than in their actual mouth. Now you may have mopped that area five minutes before but you’d never know that now.  Therefore your self worth shouldn’t be based on the poor eating or living habits of the people around you. Don’t place such unnecessary expectations on yourself. Your happiness depends on it.
• Your partner can’t bring in the income they do without your input. It’s a team effort. It’s true. You are an integral part of the family income. How long do you think your partner would last at their job if they had to take a day off each week to look after a sick child? How long would they last if they had to leave early every day for school pick up? They wouldn’t last. Simple. Calculate how much less their pay packet would be if you put each of your children into care. Then after school care. For us, personally, we would be on a deficit if I went back to work. After my wage I would have to find an extra $200 from somewhere just to pay for childcare for five children. Doesn’t make sense. Just because you aren’t “making” any money, doesn’t mean you aren’t saving it. Your contribution to the family is the most important. Without you putting your hand up and claiming responsibility for the “unpaid” work, your partner wouldn’t have the support or freedom they need. They wouldn’t be able to bring home a paycheck or feel accomplished in their job! It really is a team effort.
• Find a hobby you love. Take up knitting, exercise, photography, do a Tafe course. Find something to get excited about outside of your home duties. If all you had to focus on was what to cook for dinner, or how many baskets of washing you needed to iron that day you will go crazy. I speak from experience. Remember that you are first an individual, with interests, and creativity, a personality, and a right to feel fulfilled! When you are on a plane, they always tell the parent to place their oxygen masks on first before they can help others. Do this on land also. Nurture yourself. This is very important. Only when you feel a sense of self, will you keep yourself from burning out.
• Make a plan to meet up with friends. It is very easy to become a recluse when you’re a stay at home parent, especially without the lovely forced interaction paid employment has to offer. If you are an introvert then you have even bigger problems. Being a stay at home parent is very isolating. Sometimes you can go days without speaking to another adult and although you may not think it, the isolation takes it toll on your mental health. I found myself cancelling plans to meet with friends because I felt I had nothing to offer conversation wise. Pull yourself out of the funk and purposely meet up with a friend, even if it’s just for coffee. There is life outside of those four walls. There is other attire to wear other than tracksuit pants and active wear. Put something on that makes you feel attractive. Put some makeup on if that’s your thing. Make an effort on yourself the only way you know how and see how much it affects your mental state, this time in a positive way. The flow on effect means your family will reap the benefits.
• I read a meme once that quoted, to be happy you need three things: someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. This resonated with me. So it may resonate with you also. Love someone. This can be your partner, your child, your parents, your dog, whoever. Do something you love. What is your passion? Do you like to bake? Then make cupcakes. Do you like to paint? Get cracking on a canvas. Be interested in something that inspires you and make the time to do it. Create something to look forward to. Book a holiday. Plan a night out. Run a marathon.

Commit to making yourself a priority and magically the four walls around you won’t seem to close in on you anymore.

Do you have any tips on how to survive being a stay at home parent?