When I fell pregnant with my first baby over 6 years ago, my grandma was very excited about my impending new addition. I talked with my grandma about all things baby. How would I set up the nursery and would I have a boy or girl? Grandma hoped I’d have a ‘pink one’ because she had had all boys.

My grandma loved babies. If a young mum holding a baby walked by or stooped low to hold the hand of her toddler, my grandma would always smile and make a loving comment on how cute the child was and what a blessing that child was to the mum. Naturally, grandma was very excited about the news of my pregnancy. And with that news, she recalled her own experiences of being a mum to newborns.

My grandma was a housewife and full time mum to three boys (including twins) which was the norm sixty years ago. I remember my grandma telling me how she had dreadful trouble breastfeeding her first son (my uncle). He would cry and cry and cry and my grandma recalled feeling hopeless about not knowing what the cause of all his crying was. It wasn’t until she fed him formula that the crying stopped and my uncle became a much happier baby.

I asked grandma if she felt judged for changing to formula and she told me ‘what nonsense’. The baby was hungry and had to be fed somehow. There was no guilt over whether the food came from her breast or from formula. There was more guilt over how long it took her to work out her baby was crying because he was hungry!

I know my grandma shared that with me because she had noticed a pressure on mums to breastfeed and from her experience, she gave it a go and it didn’t work out.

In the last sixty years, mothering a child has changed quite a lot. We’ve had more time to research our parenting styles and study the benefits of breast milk over formula. This research has helped formula to be better than ever with the necessary nutrients to make it as good as breast milk (or so the marketers say).

The demands on mothers have changed as well. Not all mums can stay-at-home and look after the children. More and more mums need to return to work to make ends meet due to the high cost of living. Mum’s roles have changed from being a housewife and stay-at-home-mum to career juggler.

In this present age, if you have a baby and you encounter problems with your parenting journey, there are a myriad of apps, websites, support pages and professionals that are a click or call away to help fix your ‘parenting issue’.

Breastfeeding can be a source of anxiety for many new mums and as a result there are many support groups available to help mum as she works through the issues.

Most new mums are offered a session with a lactation consultant to help get the right technique and ensure baby is latched on correctly. I remember having a volunteer from a breastfeeding organization visit me a few days after having my firstborn, encouraging me to join their Facebook page so I could feel well supported during my ‘breastfeeding journey’.

I never joined these groups. I was one of those envious mums who had no issues breastfeeding their babies.

But many mums do encounter problems, so they head to breastfeeding pages to get advice and support, only to be shunned or banned from a page when they ‘give up’ and decide to formula feed their baby.

Why the judgement and why the lack of compassion? Surely most mums who head to these pages have already had the thought cross their mind once or twice about formula but are looking for one last suggestion or helpful piece of advice to make breastfeeding work for them and their baby. Why is there instant judgement when a mum decides to give formula a go because she hasn’t found the answers to her breastfeeding needs?

If Breastfeeding Support Groups are promoting mums to join their forums, they must allow for difference in opinion, so long as they are done with respect, to ensure all voices are heard and all mums can make an informed decision on what may be right for them and their baby. Not everyone is going to agree with differing opinions, but support, no matter what a mum’s decision is, should be encouraged.

One mum has reached out to the Go Ask Mum community to make new mums aware that some groups aren’t as supportive as they are perceived to be. They have experienced being blocked from a certain breastfeeding Facebook page when they’ve offered their opinion on formula feeding to a struggling mum.

Formula is not the enemy. Judgement is.

Support groups should offer their pages as a means of encouraging discussion about supporting all mums without prejudice. Breast may be best but fed is better.

As my grandma would say, the pressure on mums to mother a certain way is nonsense.

If you are a new mum looking to join a support page, be wary of the judgement, but don’t let it deter you from getting the support you need.

Just as our opinions may not be everyone’s cup of tea, our decisions may not be everyone’s bottle of milk.

Tell us, have you felt judged or been banned from a support group on Facebook? What have your experiences been on forums about breastfeeding versus formula feeding?