For most people, the birth of a precious new baby is one of life’s best moments and an event which should be celebrated and lovingly remembered for years to come. But for some parents, what is meant to be the happier day of your life turns into the worst.
A little over four years ago, this is what happened to my husband and I, when we joined the large yet often silent group of parents who have lost children. In the space of a few short hours we went from being hopeful and excited first time parents to losing our innocence and being completely torn apart by the stillbirth of our son and passing of our little girl shortly after she was born.
While much of what happened during those first few days was and still is a blur. One of the things I do remember was my overwhelming need to keep our son and daughter with me at all times in an attempt to create the only memories we would ever have as a family together. During those two days we spent with them in hospital, we took hundreds of photos of our precious and perfect little boy and girl. We took the only family photos we would ever have, we photographed them from every angle, desperate to record every little feature but to also give us something tangible to hold onto in the weeks and years to come. I never wanted to forget the feelings and image of cradling my babies in my arms, holding onto their little hands, the cupid’s bow lips of our precious baby boy and the petite and perfect nose of our daughter. I was scared I would forget what they looked like, that over time my memory would become hazy and I wanted, rather needed something physical I could hold onto that reminded me of the two children I wouldn’t ever be able to ever look at or cradle in my arms again.
Those photos have become one of our most valued and loved posessions. During the early weeks and months, flipping through those albums and tracing my finger along the shape of our beloved babies faces was what helped to keep me going. Although we never really takes about it, we made the decision to only share our photos with members of our families and close friends as I think although we were proud and loved our babies, we were always a little worried about what people’s reactions may be. That’s why I was so incredibly moved and humbled when I recently came across the beautiful photos of Emily and Richard Staley’s precious little girl who was born sleeping. The Staley’s received the help of a professional photographer to capture the birth of their beautiful girl and went on to share the stunning photos on Facebook to both celebrate the life of their daughter as well as help break down some of the stigma and silence surrounding stillbirth and the death of a child.
As strange as it may seem, seeing the photos of Emily and Richard’s daughter gave me a sense of solidarity, that we are not alone and there are others out there who can empathise with the pain we continue to go through every single day. I have no doubt that there are other parents out there who had similar feelings to me, who also felt these images helped to validate our need to celebrate and acknowledge the existence of our children who are no longer with us.
As a society we need to break the silence surrounding stillbirth and infant loss and it’s the sharing of beautiful and loving images by brave parents such as Emily and Richard which will help to get this conversation started.
