A grieving mum who delivered a stillborn son at 20 weeks decided to donate her breast milk to help feed other babies.
Amy Anderson of the US gave birth to her stillborn son Bryson at 20 weeks. What was an emotionally and physically hard time for the mum, she decided to give to others by pumping out her milk when it came in after her son’s birth.
Anderson told Today Parents,’ I thought to myself, OK, I have this milk. Now I need to figure out what to do with it.’
She began to pump the milk and donated it to a milk bank. Unfortunately her decision to give to other mums was met with criticism, especially when she requested time from work to express milk. Her employer was unsupportive and told Anderson, ‘Your baby is dead.’
Anderson defended her decision by telling Today Parents, “It doesn’t matter whether or not you now have a baby to hold. I was a lactating woman with physical needs.”
Unless any of us mums have been through stillbirth before, none of us really know what occurs in the days after a loss of a baby. They have to live with the reminders of what once was and live with a body that continues to produce milk. Women who go through this heart wrenching experience should be supported and offered help.
Unfortunately there is judgement around mothers who grieve for their lost children during pregnancy. There’s an expectation that mums (and dads) need to move on and ‘try again.’
In most circumstances the parents aren’t given enough time to grieve and be supported. When the mum’s body starts to lactate, it’s her decision alone on what should be done with the milk.
Anderson, who has lived with the heartbreaking experience is wanting to change the Break Time for Nursing Mothers Law in the US to include bereaved and surrogate mothers. She’s fighting to change the terminology to ensure the law covers all breastfeeding mothers.
Anderson was able to donate 92 gallons (over 300 litres) of milk over 8 months which amounted to 30,000 feedings.
It was a beautiful, self-less act that Anderson admits helped her through the grieving process.
Much support has been given to Anderson’s stand with many mums sharing their stories on Today Parents Facebook Page:
My daughter was stillborn at 36 weeks, and I did everything I could to keep my milk from coming in. However, nearly 3 weeks after her birth I had a terrible morning and my milk came rushing in. I decided right then it happened for a reason and I started pumping right away. It saved my soul. Knowing my daughter was the reason I could provide this milk to babies in need brought me back to life and made me feel like her life and my pregnancy weren’t for nothing. Bless all mothers who find it within themselves to do this selfless act while going through such grief and loss.
I personally have been pretty quiet about our decision to donate breast milk after our daughter passes (she will either be stillborn or pass soon after birth). This was a decision both my husband and I made but I am also aware of all the ney-sayers out there. I want to be confident in my emotions and physical abilities before my personal “world” knows. You… are a true inspiration to me.
My daughter was stillborn at 33 weeks and in those few hours after, it didn’t even cross my mind that I was about to start lactating (mind you, she was my second child). I understand the pain and strength that this beautiful mother endured through every single moment. It is beyond inspiring…her gift of love and life to others is encouraging to all women like me who must endure the devastating pain of losing a child.
My son was born at 24wks. I pumped to try to give him the best start possible. But he grew his angel wings at 13 days. I was so devastated but being able to donate my milk to other babies in need seemed to help me work through my grief.
In the United States, 68 babies born every day are stillborn which equates to over 23,000 per year. In Australia over 2000 babies are born sleeping. That means there are a lot of families grieving, and mums dealing with the after effects of giving birth. While Anderson is working in the US to ensure all mums are given rights to breastfeed, it’s important for us in Australia to offer support to those mums during this heartbreaking time as well.
