This is the image that Jennifer Campbell a.k.a. Mama Lion Strong, blogger and women’s health advocate shared on her Facebook page on April 11th.  It looks at first glance like something you might see on a group page encouraging fellow mums to lose weight after pregnancy and childbirth, right?

Just four months after the birth of her child! She looks amazing doesn’t she?

But the tone of her post isn’t what you might think.

On the left is me a few hours after giving birth to my second son. This is just the first of many photos I took to chronicle my quick return to “pre-baby body” shape. I had seen others be applauded for it, why not me?

On the right is me four months later, still not small enough for my liking, still dieting, still putting myself through punishing workouts daily. I had many people telling me “wow, you look great” and “nobody would even know you had a baby!” (Because not looking like you had a baby is some sort of compliment in our society).

Nevermind that my bladder leaked when I was running and my belly button had become an odd and flimsy looking “outtie” because I had diastasis recti. My body was broken but I continued to abuse it every step I took on a treadmill, every plank I held for as long as I could.

Nevermind that I had a terrible relationship with food. I was a breastfeeding Mom that was restricting what I ate constantly. When my body couldn’t take the deprivation anymore I would have wild binges. Hungry women are not happy women.

Nevermind that I cried whenever I got out of the shower and had to see myself naked, along with the stretch marks that had “ruined” my stomach.

Nevermind that I had a husband in grad school, we had no support network living in a foreign country, and I felt like I was failing at everything I was doing.

Nevermind, because I certainly looked the part. Because a small body means happiness in our culture.

Where does this pressure come from to lose weight so quickly after having a baby?

Ourselves. Our peers. The media. Our culture. Men.

Yesterday my friend Nicole said this, “We unknowingly perpetuate this ourselves also. What is one of the first things people say to new moms (myself included)? ‘Wow, you look great!’ We are trying to be kind, trying to reassure a potentially self-conscious mom that she looks great but, we are really saying ‘I am paying attention to how you look right now’ and thus reinforcing that that is very important. The ‘importance’ of looking good post baby is so ingrained in us we don’t even realize we are contributing to the problem.”

The thing is, women are so accustomed to a steady stream of public commentary about their bodies, we don’t even think about it anymore. Our bodies are discussed on the front of every magazine at the grocery store checkout. Our bodies are discussed in our coffee groups – weight loss this, weight loss that. It seems we are only ever discussing how to be smaller. Our bodies are discussed amongst men and boys, and in turn being discussed by our daughters about how to have a body that men praise.

A few months after my second son was born my husband’s friend said to him “you’re so lucky that Jen’s taken care of herself. My wife has totally let herself go, all she does is eat.” (Also a breastfeeding Mom).

When my husband told me I smiled.

Smiled… Can you believe that?

Like a puppy getting a pat on the head, for being the well-behaved one, the one to get the praise.

And when the media put yet another post-baby body in a bikini photo on their cover I would feel a sense of relief inside… And feel thankful for my small body… Because I was “taking care of myself.” Yet as you know from my above post I wasn’t…. I was in agony.

It’s no wonder women continue to pursue their smallness.

It’s no wonder we keep putting our smallness ahead of our health.

But we don’t have to. Open your eyes, look at the society you live in… The open dialogue that’s being had about our bodies, the way we all speak to each other, the headlines we are surrounded by. Think of the pressure you have felt then ask yourself if that’s what you want for your children. Do you want your boy’s believing that women should look a certain way, usually for their own sole pleasure? Do you want your girls to be pursuing that body, looking for validation from the opposite sex, their society, their peers… No matter if it’s healthy or not?

We need to redefine healthy…. We need to start looking past bodies and asking people how they feel and what we can do for them. We need to stop supporting businesses and media that tell us all that we are is what our bodies look like.

Today I am healthy, which means valuing myself for more than my body. I am eighteen months postpartum and still heavier than I was prior to being pregnant. Healthy is moving my body, eating good food, sleeping well, getting fresh air and sunshine, connecting with other people. It’s not a number. It’s not a flat stomach. It really has nothing to do with how I look, period.

Yes it is a less popular path to put my wellness ahead of what I look like. It’s what is right for me, and it’s the lessons I’m leaving for my children.

Do Mama Lion Strong’s words resonate with you? What does it mean to you to ‘take care of your body’ after a baby?

Mama Lion Strong is a Women’s Health Advocate.  Read more at www.mamalionstrong.com