Being a parent is not always roses. While children may be small in size, their personalities are large and even at the best of times, you are going to clash. There are simple things you can tell your child after you’ve had an argument that can help you reconnect. It is important to remember that a bad day doesn’t mean it’s a bad life. You are not raising a bad child, and you are most certainly not a bad parent. Even if you yelled a little more than you probably should have. Life is messy and complicated and sometimes spirited children need to feel loved when they least deserve it. It’s true. Children (and adults if truth be told), often act up when there is a deeper core issue distressing them, and as a parent, it is in your power to reconnect and remind your child that although sometimes you may not see eye to eye, you will always love them, and that they are deserving of that love.
Simple things to tell your child after you’ve had an argument:
I love you. I love you no matter what. I love you when you are angry at me and I love you even when I am angry with you. I love you when I am not with you, as my love for you is so strong it can reach you wherever you are. If I could pick any child to love in the whole wide world, I’d pick you. Always. Without a doubt. Thank you for teaching me things I never knew. I enjoyed playing with you today and my favorite part of the day was when we spent time together. You’re a great kid. I feel blessed to have you in my life.
Even if what you really mean is this:
I love you. I love you no matter what. I love you even when you are angry at me and I need to step away from you for a moment so I don’t blow up like a balloon and then feel as though someone’s let the air out and left me deflated. I love you even when we aren’t together, although sometimes parents need some alone time so that they can remember that they actually like each other. Sometimes parents can even forget because they are so busy ensuring you are loved and safe and nurtured, that they forgo ensuring those same things for themselves. It’s hard being an adult. If I could pick any child to love, I’d pick you over and over again because I’m pretty sure all children torture their parents and it’s better the devil you know. In all seriousness, you’re actually a pretty wonderful kid and I hate it when we argue.
Thank you for teaching me all about life through your eyes, and also not to leave you alone with a texta, not even for a minute, not even to go to the toilet. Texta is hard to get out of white leather.
My favourite part of the day was when you smiled at me. I love to see you happy because when you are happy it means you aren’t whinging about something and truth be told I’m scared of you a little bit. When you’re not happy Lord knows I’m not happy. Your emotions are raw and honest and powerful and sometimes you can’t control them. I’m an adult and I can barely control mine. I get it, and while you’re still learning about life, you’re actually teaching me a hell of a lot along the way. You’re a great kid and I feel blessed to have you in my life.
As a parent, it’s helpful to remember that you have the power to turn any situation around after an argument or disagreement with your child. Perhaps not straight away, do it when you feel comfortable and can sense that your child will be responsive when you reach out to them.
The beauty of reaching out to your child and telling them you love them is that it works at any age. They don’t have to be a preschooler to benefit from being told that they are loved. It will work with any child at any age. Even a teenager!
The way we speak to our children becomes their inner voice. There will always be bad days, we are all human.
The key is in reconnecting with your child and ensuring that their inner voice reminds them that they are loved and worthy, and that so are you.
What things have you done to reconnect with your child after an argument?
