Surviving Christmas with the in-laws is a skill all of us need to master. I share some tips on how you can master this relationship and keep the peace this Christmas.
The saying goes you can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family. Or another good one that I read recently ‘friends are the family we choose for ourselves’.
Nothing brings up family turmoil and frustration when the extended family gets together at Christmas. The long lost catch-up can be memorable for good or not so good reasons. One strained relationship that often has us biting our tongue is that between our in-laws.
Some families have a close bond with their in-laws and even change the law to love because they get along with each other splendidly.
While other families use unique words to describe their in-laws and sometimes even add ‘dragon’ in front of their name.
No matter how you find your in-laws, there is no doubt that Christmas will bring them knocking to your door and you will need to have your wits about you to survive the family time together. I’ve put together some tips to ensure you have a good time with your in-laws this Christmas and these are simply suggestions that have worked for our family.
- Get over how you’re feeling. If the thought of your in-laws coming to stay at your house makes you cringe inside, do the cringe and then release the tension. Your feelings of frustration will only hurt you and will stop you from enjoying a great day. Try to be as positive as you can.
- Be up front to your in-laws on how long they should stay. This can be hard if the in-laws are from overseas and are spending an extended time with over the Aussie summer. But remember you are not a hotel and the in-laws need to understand that. Christmas time is important that you as a mum get time off. When arrangements are being organized, be in control and tell your in-laws the dates YOU are available for them to stay.
- If the stay has been extended, make a list of free events to go to so that you can busy yourselves with something to do rather than suffer in uncomfortable silence.
- Remember the in-laws are there to be with their grandchildren and will happily (hopefully) play and interact with your kids. Use this time to have a date night out with your partner. Take advantage of free babysitting.
- To help you get rid of feelings of dread, remember how excited you were as a child to see your grandparents or someone you really loved at Christmas. Use those feelings to counteract your own negative ones.
- If your in-laws are rude and put you down in front of your family in your home this can be really hard to condone and live with – especially when it’s the most wonderful time of the year. Discuss these issues with your partner and opt for the in-laws to stay at a local hotel. Your home holds your inner family unit of yourself, your partner and your kids and this needs to be protected at all times. Negative talk can put strain and unwanted stress on a marriage, which as a whole affects your immediate family. It’s really important you stick together when an influence tries to plant a seed of negativity into your home. You need to put boundaries in place for inviting the in-laws over and it may be that they only come for lunch or dinner and not sleep under the same roof.
- Give as you’d like to receive. Presents from the in-laws can be interesting and it may be tempting to give your mother-in-law any old thing, but try to be the better person and buy them a thoughtful gift, even if you know your gift may come from the $2 shop.
- Unwarranted advice will always be given from an in-law. Do as you do with most advice, listen to it and let it pass over your head if it doesn’t agree with what you prefer or believe is right to do.
- Be thankful your in-laws are healthy and able to spend time with you. Sometimes we take for granted those that are related to us. Health is something to be grateful for this Christmas.
- Remember that your character is being built when interacting with those that don’t share the same ideals as you. Accept handling unusual behavior as a challenge and a way to build your own resilience and character.
Do you have a good relationship with your in-laws? How do you handle family tension at Christmas time?
