Widowed Father Pleads For Mums With Postpartum Depression to Get Help, ‘You Aren’t a Bad Mother’

We grow up being told there is a certain way to do things. If you think back to when you were little, there was a way to brush your teeth, a way to wash your face and a way to wipe when you went to the toilet.

When it was time for school, there was a way to hold your pencil, a way to kick a ball and a way to tie your shoe laces.

I could never tie my shoe laces the same as everyone else. My grandma taught me a trick by looping both laces and tieing them over each other. I still got the same outcome –but it was a different to how everyone else tied their laces.

As we’ve grown from childhood, to adolescence, through the teenage years and into adulthood, there is a right way to do things. But the older we get, we come to realise there may be a right way, but there can also be a different way that can still bring the same outcome.

As adults we learn through experience that a different way can be the right way. But because it’s different, judgements are made, opinions are given, studies are conducted, news articles or blogposts are written and suddenly there’s a leaning towards a way that doesn’t suit everyone. And those that can’t do that thing a certain way feel like they’ve failed when in actual fact they haven’t.

Feeding your baby is one of those topics that will raise the masses to say that breastfeeding is the only way to feed your baby. ‘Persevere if it’s hard’ because you’re giving the best to your baby.

And no one can deny that breastmilk is a great source of nutrition for babies, but so is formula. And a mother’s decision on the way she chooses to feed her baby should never be judged, no matter how opinionated we are about the ‘right way to feed a baby’.

It’s crucial to support mums with their decisions and to empower them to make the right choices for themselves and their babies. Experience and testimonies from mums before us have shared that breastfeeding isn’t easy. For some mums it’s incredibly difficult.

Some mums cripple from the pressure of doing things a certain way. That pressure combined with Postpartum Depression (PPD) can have damaging consequences. As it did for Kim Chen’s wife.

Chen’s wife, Florence Leung committed suicide 3 months after giving birth to her son.

The new mum had PPD after the birth of her first child. Chen has spoken out about his wife’s death, explaining his wife had difficulty breastfeeding and it may have affected her mental state greatly. The grieving father encouraged other mothers struggling with PPD and/or breastfeeding to never feel guilty about not being able to ‘exclusively breastfeed.’

Chen shared his post on a Facebook page that has been set up as a memorial to his wife. He also shared another post of a mum who lost her life to PPD. He pleads for new mums to seek help if they feel low or anxious.

“For all the new moms experiencing low mood or anxiety, please seek help and talk about your feelings. You are not alone. You are not a bad mother.”

If you or someone you know needs help with mental health, anxiety or PPD, please reach out to Beyond Blue or PANDA.